Failed Friendships Taught Me to Trust Again

First Fractures And Friendships Lost Too Soon

There was a time when my world was tightly woven with a group of friends. We have all experienced this. We were inseparable. Our children were growing up together, our weekends blurred into one another’s homes, our celebrations and vacations were planned as one. Even the mundane, like weekend dinner menus, were decided together. It was a friendship built on familiarity, shared milestones, and the unspoken comfort of always having each other.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” — Anaïs Nin

And then, suddenly, one day, it ended.

A comment made in passing (or maybe it was deliberate, but, that is not the point). One misunderstanding. One conversation that we weren’t even part of.

We never truly understood what happened. No big fight. No accusations. Just a slow unraveling, like a thread pulled loose until the whole fabric fell apart. At first, I struggled with the void it left. We had been everywhere in each other’s lives, and then, we weren’t. The silence was deafening.

We tried. We reached out. We wanted to understand, to fix whatever had fractured. But the pushback was clear. This was not a misunderstanding that needed resolution. It was a door that had quietly closed, and we had no choice but to accept it. The rest of the group had moved on from us.

But over time, I realized something. Some friendships are built for a season, and when their time is up, you have to let them go. With grace.

I could have held onto the confusion, replaying it endlessly. But I didn’t. Instead, I chose to remember the warmth, the shared years, the joy of what was. And then, I moved forward, even when it felt like leaving behind a piece of myself.

Some Work Friendships Fade

In my career, I’ve always believed in showing up for people. Fighting for them. Advocating when no one else would. And I did that. Wholeheartedly. For everyone. Those I led, my peers and those who led (or managed) me. For this Sunday reflection, I recall two colleagues who I supported for over a decade. I pushed for their promotions, defended them in difficult rooms, opened doors they didn’t even know were closed. I never thought twice about it because that’s what you do for people you believe in.

And then, one day, they were gone.

No message. No check-in. No acknowledgment of the years of backing them up. Just silence. I reached out - no reply. A holiday greeting - ignored. They had moved on, and I wasn’t part of their world anymore.

At first, it stung. I questioned if I had been too invested, if I had expected too much. Had I imagined the depth of our bond? Was I just a useful ally in their journey rather than a true friend? I wrestled with the idea that perhaps I had cared too much, that I had overestimated my place in their lives.

Then came the deeper realizations. One colleague, despite years of unwavering support, complained that I had somehow held them back. This, after two promotions I had helped secure for them. I remember the moment their VP once told me that he wasn’t sure he could trust them enough to promote them, because they had nothing good to say about me, the very person who had advocated for them time and again.

And then there was the boss I had worked under for more than a decade. My mission had been to make them successful. I had poured my effort, creativity, and energy into ensuring their wins. And we won. Often. And then, one day, it all just vanished. No continued connection. Just a quiet erasure.

And I learned: that’s okay, too. Some relationships are rooted in shared purpose, and when that purpose fades, so does the connection. It’s not always about intention or loyalty. It’s just the natural ebb and flow of human relationships.

For a while, I let these experiences make me doubt myself. Was I too trusting? Did I give too much?

But here’s what I’ve learned: friendships, both personal or professional, are not transactional. You don’t invest in people expecting something in return. You do it because it’s who you are. And while it’s okay to feel the loss, it’s even more important to recognize that not every friendship is meant to last forever.

Set Boundaries, Not Walls

I remember the time when I might have let these experiences make me cynical. To assume that people will leave, that closeness is temporary, that investing deeply in others is a risk not worth taking. But I could never live like that.

Because I still believe in friendship.

I still trust. I still show up fully. I still believe that people, at their core, are worth believing in. The right ones make it all worthwhile

But here’s what has changed. I no longer make myself small to keep a connection. I no longer overextend in relationships that don’t extend back. I have moved on from being a pleaser to simply showing up as I am. And that has lost me some people. But it has also gained me more. Those who see me, respect me, and meet me somewhere in the middle. Just as I am. All my flaws, real and perceived, all accepted or accommodated.

Letting go, I’ve learned, is not a single act but a slow unfolding. It’s waking up one morning and realizing you no longer check for their messages. It’s hearing a song that once tied you together and feeling nostalgia, but not loss. It’s reaching a place where their absence no longer feels like a missing piece, but rather, a space that has made room for something new.

And most importantly, it’s about continuing to look forward. It’s easy to rely on old comforts, on the friendships that once were, on the people who used to be part of your story. But we are still alive. We are still here. And there is still more to build, more to experience, more to share.

“Some people go to priests; others to poetry; I to my friends.” — Virginia Woolf

Friendships Have A Natural Cycle

Each friendship, I’ve come to realize, has a place in our lives, an energy, a cycle.

Some are meant to last a lifetime, weathering interruptions, misunderstandings, and miles. Others are glimpses of what could have been. Beautiful but fleeting. Some are hard to let go, but they’ve run their course. And then, there are the ones that keep us curious, keep us open, keep us believing that real connection is always possible.

And if I had to go through every loss, every letdown, just to learn this?

I would.

Because friendships, new, old, unexpected are still waiting to be discovered. Keep yourself open. Be vulnerable. Don’t judge too quickly.

“A friend may be waiting behind a stranger’s face.” — Maya Angelou

The best ones, the real ones, they will find you. And when they do, you’ll be grateful you never closed the door to possibility.

And just like everything else in life, with friendships too, its good to remember that we are all doing our best ~ Assume Positive Intent!

Warm regards and I hope you enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

Adi